No Regrets

If only you knew what you do to me.
Just when I thought I was doing fine,
You showed me I wasn't,
That I was actually missing something.
I was at the bar on a mission,
To get totally plastered which I did.
I told you what I want out of life,
I showed you a picture of my two year old.
Yet you didn't turn and run away.
Instead you took my number and called.
To this day I ask myself why.
Are we looking for the same things?
I even left you with a kiss,
Thought for sure I blew it at that moment.
But you're still calling,
You still want to see me.
It's because of that,
That I don't regret that night.

Internet Safety in Schools

Recently my 5 th grade daughter has been coming home stating that she needs to do research on the internet for class assignments. I would like to think that with all that happens over the internet in today’s society the teachers assigning these projects would at least send a letter home stating that the students are required to do this research. I as a parent have no issues with her gaining abundant knowledge from the internet, I will gladly supervise her while she is on the internet but not all parents can, do or will. Her father for instance allows her free reign, I know this is my problem to deal with and I will, but I think before throwing a child into the internet world some information and precautions should be taken. She has had her own computer since she was 4 but she does not have the internet connected to it because I don’t want her to have full access unless I’m there to more or less supervise.

I have explained to her that the internet is not completely safe, that there are sick people out there and while she may be doing something harmless like working on school work but depending on her search terms depends on what will appear in the results. At the age of 10 she is too young to fully understand how sick some people are and being her mom I cannot be right. I even told her about William Hebbe, he was recently in the news, he went to Riverview School, and he’s been soliciting young girls since 2004, the latest reported being 12 years old, the courts have over 1,400 pages of chat transcripts from 2004-2008. That’s just sick and wrong and going to school with Will for over 10 years I would never have expected it out of him, he’s married with two young boys, who would have thought.

Do you realize that 20% of children 10-17 have been solicited sexually online, that’s 1 in 5 kids. 75% of these kids don’t tell a parent.

I think if the teachers are going to require them to do online research in elementary school they should be required to talk with them how the internet is not always a safe place and that they need to be careful. If they are not prepared to do this then they shouldn’t be assigning projects that require online research. Maybe the schools need to start an internet safety class in the 3 rd or 4 th grade to get these kids ready to be online. But the least they can do is send something home to the parents stating the requirement of online researching, then we can prepare for the “some people are sick” conversation and talk with our kids about it.

Falling

This has been a long week and it’s only Wednesday, the kids have been fighting me with everything they got, work is mundane and then I have one of those dreadful yearly events coming up next week. I wasn’t even thinking about it until my friend of almost 20 years texted me to see what I was doing to celebrate. After I thought about it I figured I could go see an old friend who is having her party at a local bar on Saturday. Then the friend that texted me asked why I’m not planning anything for myself and it kind of depressed me when I thought about it. I’ve tried to get us all together in the past years but everyone one always has an excuse or something else to do so I just gave up. What woman wants to celebrate turning another year older any ways? I would love to go out with a group of friends but everyone has their own life now between husbands/wives, kids, work, and lack of ambition it’s hard to get everyone on the same page. So thanks dear friend for helping me to realize that even though I have tried so hard to keep everyone in touch and together for the past 15 years we are all still drifting apart. We’ll just add that to my list of failures. Life sure has its ups and downs, I would sure like to see more ups but lately damn, just when I start climbing I find myself back at the bottom.

Kids and Custody

Times are tough for everyone right now but children always deserve what is best for them so how can a parent with a lack of a good paycheck take a case back to court to better the life of their child? I am sitting here trying to figure this out with little success. I am behind on my bills and only working as an intern for the summer with hopes of finding something permanent in the fall. So let me tell you my story.

This morning I was taking my daughter to summer school and we were talking about her dad because of a discussion he and I had last night. I was telling her how there are things that are more important than always having fun like a clean house, proper clothing and proper meals and nutrition for starters. His house is a mess, her clothes look like they came out of the garbage at Salvation Army or are too small (like her underwear) and they eat out I would say 95% of the time when she’s there. Upon my mentioning this she told me that the cupboards at his house are dirty partially because they never go in them since he doesn’t know how to cook and there’s little to no food in them and also because of the mice in the house, there’s droppings in them. Then I found out she hasn’t been sleeping in her bedroom because she’s seen mice in it so she slept the last two nights on the couch… What 10 year old should have to be exposed to improper meals and potentially deadly diseases that can be carried by rodents. Especially when there is a perfectly safe and healthy home for them to be at instead? My daughter loves her dad and they do go on fun adventures so I have no intention of taking that away but I would like to alter the schedule so she only has to go every other weekend instead of every other Wednesday through Sunday night. During the week she isn’t there much any ways since he works a lot of overtime and drops her off with me by 7pm on Wednesday and Thursday and usually by 5 on Sundays. I think this would be a lot easier on her especially as she gets older and school becomes more demanding. At least when she’s home with me she gets a good home cooked meal, we sit down and do her homework, I make sure she takes time to read. When she’s at his house she plays on Facebook (which she shouldn’t because of her age), plays games on other sites and sits and watches TV while he is usually on the phone (this is what she tells me).

Back in May 2004 her dad and I started the custody dispute and in June of 2007 the court ordered 50/50 placement. There was a GAL appointed and we both had our attorneys, in the end I did not agree with the court’s decision but I had no choice except to go with it. The GAL who was supposed to be looking out for the best interest of the child was in my mind basing her decision on the fact that there were two parents so the child should split their time evenly. Being that this is what the GAL felt the judge of course ordered accordingly. Now here we are 5 years later and things at her dad’s house are getting worse. Just recently we had a bit of a heated discussion because he doesn’t see the need to ask her what she wants to do and I completely disagree with that. She’s 10 now and should have some say as to where she goes and what she does. That heated discussion ended with him telling me he wishes he would have shot me when he had the chance. Now what parent that is truly interested in the best interest of their child would ever wish something like that? I also recently found out she is afraid to tell her dad what she really wants and tells him what he wants to hear because she doesn’t want to make him mad. What child should have to worry about what they say to their parents in the fear of making them mad? I told her she is to not worry about making either of us mad or hurting our feelings it is very important for her to be strong and stand for what she believes and wants. I’m also afraid that if she’s like this with her dad it’s going to lead to an abusive type relationship when she gets older. I want her to grow up to be a strong independent young woman not someone who is afraid to believe in and stand up for herself.

I would like to have this case revisited so she would only have to go every other weekend instead of midweek (especially as she’s getting older and school is becoming more demanding) and for someone to go into his home and tell him that the living conditions need to improve starting with an exterminator and some bleach if he would like her to spend time there. But unfortunately I don’t have another three to five thousand dollars to spend on attorney fees and I don’t really feel a GAL is needed; my daughter would simply sit down with the judge and tell him/her what she wants.

The Middle’s Not So Comfortable

Have you ever sat and asked yourself "when are things going to get easier?" or "when will I be able to pay bills on time and not have to worry about where the money's coming from?” I find myself in this position a lot lately so then I start to think what can I do to get out of this rut? I apply and apply and apply to job postings, I receive many interviews but usually I get the same response - I'm over-qualified for the entry level position that I applied for and they decided to hire someone with less education instead. Well don't you think that I realized I am over-qualified to answer phones when I applied and maybe I just don't care because I need a job to support my family? I wasn't asking you to pay me any more than you would pay someone else, I was just asking for a job. (I'm sorry but there are some positions that I just won't apply to, for instance minimum wage brings in less than the unemployment that I currently receive so I won't be flipping burgers or cashiering at Wal-Mart any time soon.) I have a family and need to bring in an income, it's not that I want to be away from my kids but to get by I have to be.

People blame the unemployment rates on the politicians but did they ever stop to look at how many perfectly qualified people are turned away after an interview because they wore brown shoes with white socks and black pants or because they hold degrees that are not applicable to the job or simply because they didn't interview well but they have years of experience doing what they were being interviewed for. Did anyone stop to think that companies are just as much at fault as politicians?

First politicians allow for the low minimum wage, I mean really what family can be supported off $7.25 an hour? That’s roughly $14,000 annually, let’s be realistic here, shouldn’t minimum wage reflect the minimum amount it costs to live and get by with more than Lincoln heads in your pocket? Secondly they allow people to just feed off the system; instead of making them get up and find something they just extend their benefits. Or in the case of my uncle the state will continue to pay him unemployment benefits as long as he goes on to school. When I heard this I wanted to laugh, he’s in his late 40s’ been a factory worker all his life and really doesn’t care about an education but heck he says if the states going to not only pay for the education but also pay him to obtain it he’ll go for it. That is so wrong in so many ways. I have been a student since 2005 and at least 75% of that time I was also working full-time and for 3 years of it I was also a single parent. When I was laid off in order to be able to collect unemployment benefits I had to be available to work full-time even with being a full-time student-not right!

Then companies are at fault for chasing perfectly capable workers away for being out of work too long, not enough experience, for being different or having too many or not enough slips of paper or simply because they want to hire the one they can pay the least to.

I recently accepted an internship position so I am currently working but internships are only temporary with low pay and in 10-12 weeks I will be back in the job market.  I didn’t invest over $30,000 into a good education so I was unable to pay the loans back. An education is supposed to help one obtain a good career not hold one back from getting even the simplest job!

The entire “over-qualified” line from a prospective employer is a complete crock, what they’re really saying is that it was nice to meet you but you will cost the company too much money so we’re going to hire someone else for a lot less. Even if an over-qualified candidate applied for a job a bit below their knowledge level maybe they really enjoyed the aspects described of the position they applied for and just maybe the company should give them the chance. For instance years ago I worked for a local gas station, I was there 3 years and absolutely loved it but felt as a single parent at the age of 22 that I needed to do better for my family because $8.50 per hour working 6 days a week and only getting around 30 hours a week was barely keeping diapers on my child’s bottom and food on the table. The entire retail job requirements are a rant for another time though.

Then on the flip side there are all these companies that only want to pay $10 -$12 an hour but require a Bachelor’s degree in a related field along with years of experience. With the average cost of a 4 year degree at a private college running about $30,000 who wants to accept a position averaging around $21,000 annually. Companies need to get real and remind themselves that you get what you pay for!

Then try to getting some sort of state assistance is a joke if one parent is working a mediocre job. WHEAP which is the heating assistance program in Wisconsin has an annual income cap of $46,768 for a family of 4, food share has a cap at $3,726 per month ($44,712 annually), and WIC for families with children 5 and under caps at $42,643 annually. What family can be fully supported, taking into account monthly payments, on such low income amounts? When you first look at it $3,700 per month seems like a lot but once you think about it by the time you subtract mortgage or rent, car payment , insurance payments, gas money to get to the jobs that don’t pay worth a darn, phone bill (if you have kids this is a bit of a necessity), gas/electric bill (which is forever going up), groceries which according to the USDA the average family of four spends $728.20 per month on, and then all the extra handouts for kids and their school fieldtrips, lunch accounts, snacks for snack time at school, it all adds up to well over $3,700 per month. So in the end to receive assistance in Wisconsin a family needs to be dirt poor or move somewhere else.

My husband makes about $50,000 annually and I have had a tough time in the job market but right now I am working as an intern making under $10.00 an hour until the end of the summer. Before I started my internship position I had been unemployed since early January of this year. Luckily I was receiving unemployment which I had to fight tooth and nail for since the company that let me go didn’t want to pay. I mean really you’re going to fire me for bringing my lunch to work and setting it in my locked desk (which they searched) until lunch time and then not want to pay me unemployment? That’s just cold and rude and hopefully someday that company will be introduced to Karma. Unemployment doesn’t pay much; the amount I received was about the equivalent of making $6.00 an hour. It’s really pretty sad but better than nothing.

While I was not working I was able to keep up with the bills for about 3 months, month 4 was harder and well month 5 everything went right down the drain. So now I am sitting here 3 weeks behind on my car payment, phone shut off, not knowing where the money for the cable bill is coming from and trying to put food on the table and diapers on the little one. We are a family of 4 and with 2 kids it’s not like you can feed them Ramen Noodles or PB & J every night and cereal just doesn’t cut it for dinner. I do receive child support for my oldest child but that amount is barely anything to sneeze at (it’s less than $70 a month) and in May the state charged me a $25 custodial parent fee!?! Really, you’re charging me $25 for being a custodial parent and receiving child support from the non-custodial parent? (I don’t know if he receives this charge as well.) That’s just not right of the state to take any amount from a child and line their pockets with it!

With that being said not only can I not count on my state, in which I pay hefty taxes, to help me out when the economy and the job market takes a nose dive but I have to pay them to receive a very small amount of child support that is owed to my child? What is wrong with this picture?

What needs to be figured out is how to help families like mine that are really trying to do it all. If there were fewer families refusing to work because they aren’t being told they have to if they want to continue receiving assistance then there would be some sort of help for families like mine that are really trying to fight and get ahead.

Wisconsin could start by simply requiring a clean drug test to receive any sort of help from the state. I know this has been mentioned again and again on numerous social media platforms but it is only right to require anyone needing state assistance to take a drug test and pass after all most tax payers have to pass one to get the job that’s helping fund these assistance programs. Also Wisconsin should require that anyone receiving FoodShare or any other state funded assistance programs is required to work unless they are legally disabled. There are food pantries and other non-profit groups that can assist those that simply won’t work. My husband and I are taxpayers that are barely keeping our heads above water and we cannot get any help. Yet the parents down the road don’t work, have 4 kids and a new car, there is something wrong here and it needs to be addressed!

Tough day

Today’s been a difficult day, I’m sitting here at work not getting paid enough both for the work I do and to be away from my kids. I think about my daughter, this morning she wanted to send a treat to work with me so she grabbed a candy bar out of the pantry and put it in my purse. She can be so sweet sometimes and others well…we know how kids are. Then my son was running around and ran into the counter top and gave himself a good egg on his forehead so I would love nothing more than to be there and snuggle with him and put BooRoo on his poor little head. But instead I’m sitting at work getting paid next to nothing, it’s not even enough to cover my monthly bills, at a temporary position that ends when summer is over while my kids are in daycare. Talk about feeling depressed, at least when I’m home with my kids they give me something to smile about and a reason to be thankful. Right now the only thing I’m thankful for is that it’s Friday and I get to spend the next two days with the ones I love.

Feeling Low

My purpose here is to let all the families that are in the same position as mine know that they are not alone. There are many of us out there that are dealing with the same types of struggles but most are too ashamed to admit it. It has taken me a while to even be able to let my family know that I am unable to pay my monthly bills on time. I have called myself a failure over and over, thinking I have failed at steady work and finding my career path in life, I have failed at providing my kids with everything they want, they get what they need but it would be nice to buy them that toy they want even though it’s not needed. I have thought to myself that I have failed my husband by not helping him out more with the bills, but most of all I have failed myself by not being where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. Lately it seems like the only thing I succeed at is failure. Then last night my husband reminded me that I’m not a failure because I’m a great mom. That’s exactly what I need to keep telling myself to be able to get out of this rut we are in, maybe by the end of things I won’t feel like such a failure.